Grief: The Universe Takes

My last name has started to feel swollen in my mouth. It’s one of the most important gifts given to me by my father and now it makes my tongue feel like cotton. I’m choking myself on it. I’m worried it, too, will be taken away from me. Is that what this is, this swelling of the second syllable behind my teeth? Is that this malicious universe’s doing, turning something precious rotten inside me?